Today marks 1 year since we lost you!
When I sit and read stories of how fortunate people have received an organ transplant I cannot help but feel angry! I know this sounds really harsh! But I cannot help to question why they got heir transplant but you didn't! WHY? At work there are alcoholics who attend, then happily tell you their an alcoholic and that they need a transplant! This makes me extremely angry, why should they get a transplant through a self inflicted disease, when there are people, like you, who had no choice to become unwell!
I cannot believe you have been gone for a year already, time goes so quick when you don't see someone! 2013 was a rubbish year, however I'm hoping 2014 brings better things, I am continuing with the campaign you begun hoping to reach more schools this year. I hope the charity set up in your memory really kicks off this year too! I want to start supporting and surprising children and parents who have lost a loved one, like your boys, because their parent/ child didn't get an organ transplant. I think many times about your boys, and if I'm struggling at times, thinking of them helps, at least there is a part of you living on, and what fantastic boys they are turning into! Plus if I'm finding it hard how must they be feeling?
2013 saw us having your first birthday and first Christmas without you! They were difficult, but then all the 'first' times will be! it is expected but nothing can truly prepare for the pain you feel deep down!
Your amazing girlfriend has organised a meal tonight, we are all getting together to celebrate your life! Hopefully this will help! What an amazing life you have had though! You taught me to chase your dreams, to never give up because you never know when things can change and you wont be able to do what you want. I will admit I am starting to worry, lately I have been feeling strange palpitations with my heart, but unsure if that is me being paranoid because of all the cardiac problems in the family, but I'm too scared to get checked out for now!
I will be popping to the cemetery later on with my daughter to see you, she keep telling me how she misses you too! She's always asking to see your boys and randomly talks about them too! I didn't realise a 4 year old would be affected as much as she is! Loosing you Jay has affected so many people! I still struggle, although I have now lost both my nans and both granddads and my auntie (your mum) I still find it difficult to accept that young people do pass away too! Accepting my grandparents had passed, of course wasn't easy, but it was more acceptable as they were elderly, but you jay, you were only in your 30's! FAR TOO YOUNG!
I hope your ok up in heaven, watching over all of us!
I love you so much and miss you more than words can say! xxxxxxx <3
