Walk a mile for a smile

On the 2nd February 2013, exactly 1 month after my cousins passing, there is a fundraising event being held in memory of my cousin - WALK A MILE FOR A SMILE. The title says it all, no mater how unwell my cousin was always smiling so please come along, smile and talk about all your memories of my cousin! If you unfortunately id not know my cousin in person then please still come along and talk about how his campaign has inspired you!

If you do not live locally there has been a donation page set up linked directly with the British Heart foundation, please donate, even £1 is a massive help! Thank you!

Date: 2-2-2013
Location - Ramsgate Boating Pool - Kent.
Time- 12noon till 2pm

*PLEASE WEAR SOMETHING RED*

There will be a stool held with further information about organ donation and forms to fill in should you want to sign up there and then to the organ donor register.

We look forward to seeing you all! xx

PLEASE DONATE: https://lastinghope.bhf.org.uk/jayscampaign

A Service to Celebrate His Life

23rd January 2013 - The funeral for my cousin!
A lot of preparation has gone into making sure my cousin has the send off he wanted!

I found it hard to sleep, my emotions all over the place, i really am NEVER going to see my cousin again not speak to him or get 1 last text message from him! Still... i must stay strong!

When I arrived at my uncles house, the atmosphere was strange - I didn't know what to say to anyone and my eyes just filled up with tears! Seeing everyone together was great, but it was all for the wrong reason!

Waiting outside - every second felt like a minute, then....there he was! Excitement came over me - MY COUSIN WAS HERE!!!!! But wait - his not really here is he? Tears flooded down my face! knowing my cousin was inside that car - i just wanted to get him out and see him, just 1 last time!

Turning up to the crematorium was a scene ill never forget! So many people had turned up to say goodbye to an amazing person! It is clear just what an impact my cousin had on everyone he met! People had to stand up and outside as there was not enough room for them all!

The service was as lovely as could be. Instead of a religious service, my cousin wanted a slide show of photos from his life played alongside music - just seeing those photos made me realise again that i wont ever see his face again! Knowing just that fact kills me and the pain i feel in my heart is so intense! However watching the slid show made us all see just what an amazing life my cousin had although cut very short!

The wake was lovely too, speeches were performed by my cousin girlfriend, her father and my cousins best friend. Such an emotional time but they all done so well! My cousin would be proud! It was great listening to all the memories people have of my cousin, however i still want to be making memories! I can only hope this pain fades - if I'm feeling this much pain i cannot but wonder what his girlfriend, children, father and brothers are feeling too!

You were taken too soon but your never be forgotten! You made such an impact on so many peoples lives! Sleep tight cousin - i will always love you! xxxx

My Very Own Leaflets are Complete

Finally Ive managed to complete the leaflets!!!!!! I thought that by designing my own about organ donation it may catch peoples eyes especially when out canvassing! (Arrangements for this are underway) I feel great, everything finally feels like it is all coming together! I have also had several emails back stating that places would like to display my leaflets in order to help!

I hope your proud up there cousin!!! Not a day goes by where i don't think about you!!! I will continue your campaign!! xxxxx

I GOT A REPLY FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION+++

FINALLY i got a reply from the department of education and it was POSITIVE news!! They agree that this, my cousins campaign is very important and have provided me with details of all local school and governments to help me get into schools to spread awareness. However the only downside is that this is at the school agreement and could only be done during PSHE sessions. This didn't stop me contacting all local secondary schools and to back up my enquiry i attached a copy of the letter received by the department of education. Today, 15th January 2013 i received a phone call from a local school - THEY ARE HAPPY TO SUPPORT MY CAMPAIGN AND HAVE PENCILLED IN A DATE FOR ME TO GO IN AND SPEAK TO ALL THE YEAR 10 STUDENTS ABOUT ORGAN DONATION! This is brilliant news but... i am not very good at speaking publicly hahaha! I have contacted the organ donation team to see if a professional/volunteer can assist in this session and have prepared leaflets to hand out as well as ordered plenty of stock from the organ donation website. I will keep you all posted on this but so far so good! Hopefully this is the start of good things! All for you Cousin!!!!!

Its been 11 days.....

11 days have now passed since my cousin passed away    :-(
I wish i could say the pain is easing.... but its not! quite the opposite really! Most nights i lay in bed crying myself to sleep! I still just cant bring myself to accept he is gone! I think that continuing his campaign probably doesn't help as i was doing this while he was here so its no different! I also cannot help but think that its the elderly who pass...not a 34 year old?! I'm dreading his funeral, but perhaps it will be closure for me? Or it will hit me straight in the face and actually realise he is gone, i wont see him again, talk to him again, cuddle him again, nor will he be the person there to cheer me up and look out for me like he always did! Only last night i had to text my cousin - i miss texting him everyday! knowing he is ok!
There was an article in the paper again on Friday - but this time the complete opposite to the first! this time it was paying a tribute to my cousin and still trying to get people to sign up!
I really do hope that by making the video, this blog and with all the support of friends and family people will sign up to the organ donor register! I pray no other families will ever have to deal with the amount of pain we all are going through! and the sense of denial!
If your reading this, and not signed up please ask yourself WHY? Is it selfishness, fear that you need to accept that 1 day you too will pass? Or that your organ will go to an alcoholic/drug user? Whatever your reason please take a moment and think what would you do if you needed a new organ? Would you take one if you were lucky enough to have one there for you? If the answer is YES... then think..... would you give 1 back once your time is up? If you could save a young persons life surely that in itself would make you want to sign up?!? Ive signed up - if something unfortunate happened to me then i would be happy knowing that i am saving someone else who is fighting for life needing an organ, just because my time is up doesn't mean someone Else's should be too! Also the fear of organs going to alcoholics or drug users - please consider there background, there may be a reason they have turned to alcohol/drugs- however then think there will more than likely always be a person of more importance than them - the emergency donor list!!!

https://www.organdonation.nhs.uk/how_to_become_a_donor/registration/consent.asp

VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAsV2MbEJFI

He has lost his battle :-(

Today at 3.30pm my cousin slipped away! Unfortunatly he has lost his battle after nearly 3 years of suffering and sadly never receiving a new heart. The pain felt is immense and the only way i feel close to my cousin now is by sitting on his facebook page reading all the comments his friends are putting. Deep down i know he is not suffering anymore however i feel mixed emotions. It hurts knowing he has left behind two amazing little boys however im sure that without a doubt they will have amazing memories of their dad, afterall he was and is their rock! Already all the memories i have are flooding through my head, only i cant help but wish i could have just 1 more moment with him! as i continously mention... i will not let my cousin down, i will make sure he is proud of me and continue to raise awareness about organ donation as he did put a lot of time and effort into this topic! RIP Jay!!! I love you, always have and always will! Now watch over your family and be proud of us all and in particular watch over your boys ensuring they grow up ith the same atitude on life as you did! Sleep tight cousin! xxxxxx

Dont let emotions come between your family!

Since the news about my cousin has been getting worse every day, today something smacked me right in the face! Instead of pushing the rest of my family away we should all be holding onto one another! Yes there may have been times where we disagreed and in particular these last couple of days i may have come across as a complete b**ch! Whether it can be put down to my emotions I'm not sure however putting on a brave face in front of my daughter is hard as the pain I'm feeling in my chest is intense!!! Ive realised i may have been snappy at members of my family, or gone to the extreme of not even communicating with them! But deep down, is this really what my cousin would have wanted? A simply sorry is probably not enough to some members, however i cannot explain how sorry i am for being like i have been! I can promise you all now that i will continue to help my cousin encourage people to sign up to the organ donor register so that no other family has to go through the amount of pain we are all feeling!! My heart goes out to my uncle... loosing his wife in 2010 and now things are going from bad to worse for his son! If anything, he and my cousins girlfriend and brothers need to know that we are all here and feeling the intense pain!! Life is unfair and lately it seems to be targeting my family more and more every year! so rather than pushing them away, spend time with the loved ones as tomorrow.....you may not get another chance!!!

WE NEED YOU ALL TO PRAY!! PLEASE

At present, things really are not looking good for my cousin! Long story short but his body is just giving up after having to fight for soooo long! I cannot but feel for the rest of my family who need to make the decision whether or not to continue with his treatment. Deep down we all know that my cousin would not want to be suffering like this nor for his quality of life to be decreased compared to what it was. I keep telling myself that he will be fine, his a fighter so yeah....he WILL be fine! right?!?!?!???? I feel so useless being miles and miles away from him and i really want to be there holding his hand but then the last time i saw him, although he was living in hospital, i could have a full conversation with him, he was his usual chirpy self and conscious! I know thats how i want to remember him, but then the guilt i feel for not being there now! I just dont know what to do! His partner has her amazing family around her too but similarly i feel i should be there to support her in a hard time like this! Im getting sick and tired of the worst things happening to people who are closet to me! why is it that all the bad things happens to the people who least deserve it? My cousin has never set a single foot out of line, always worked before becoming ill, started a family with two amazing boys and then went on to meet his amazing and supportive partner who has stuck by him through everything! She has been his rock!!! PLEASE PRAY FOR MY COUSIN!!!